Monthly Archives: May 2013

Talkin’ Some $#!t

[Or: “Make It So, Number One!”]

Olivia Wilde, Bono and Richard Branson, all celebrities flush with fame, announce they are joining Matt Damon’s toilet strike to raise awareness about the global water crisis.

…the trio draws attention to just how serious the water situation is by presenting some disturbing statistics:

“780 million people, that’s one in nine, lacks access to safe water,” Bono says.

Which is why Damon co-founded Water.org — in collaboration with Gary White — in an effort to help come up with solutions to the water crisis so that all people have access to safe water and sanitation.

Thus far, the organization has helped more than 1 million people living in Africa, South Asia, Latin America and the Caribbean. And it’s Damon’s passion and success that drew Wilde to the movement (or lack of movement, if you catch my drift).

Maybe they should go (heh) to Venezuela next.

Didn’t The Kids In The Hall once do a skit like this?

In other news, Ke$ha drinks her own urine.

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Les And More

[Or: “The Majesties Of Rock”]

I just found this…

Government Shadow

From here

As the nation’s chief executive, President Obama is accountable for the IRS, State Department and Justice Department. His longtime adviser David Axelrod last week blamed a too-big government for the scandals: “Part of being president is that there’s so much beneath you that you can’t know because the government is so vast.”

No conservative or libertarian could ever have made such a concise, elegant, and bulletproof condemnation of Big Government than this. It’s an unintentional flat-out admission that government has grown so large that light can only be shone on some small part of it at a time, not only making it easy for corruption and abuse to occur in its enormous shadow, but practically providing incentives to do so. Who will know? How many abuses slip by for every one that is caught? And even when someone is busted, they get a slap on the wrist and scurry off to some other area in the darkness and start all over.

Express Air Medical Transport

A tip from Captain Capitalism

Express Air Medical Transport.

1-800-304-8094
If you don’t know precisely what they do, don’t worry, it is a very specialized service, namely air ambulance.  So say you are out on vacation, snow birding down south, or for whatever reason you or a loved one needs to get transported to a specialist in some other hospital in quick order Express Air Medical will fly you out there.

They are based in Florida but serve the entire United States.  And don’t wait for an emergency to happen, you might as well put their number in your cell phone now because putzing around looking for it on ole Cappy Cap’s site will take too long.

“Got Her And A Swiss Army Knife For A Dollar At The Flea Market”

For all the married couple who are tired of answering the question “How did you two meet?”, Allamagoosa and I came up with some snappy answers. Try these on strangers or friends you want to lose.

“I found her in a box of Cracker Jacks.”

“He came included with the utilities.”

“I won a bet.”

“I lost a bet.”

“Mail order.”

“My neighbor sucks at poker.”

“I woke up one morning and he was on the couch eating Cheerios and watching TV.”

“She was selling cookies door to door.”

“Swap meet.”

“I found her in the produce section attempting to masquerade as a pineapple.”

“It’s a condition of my parole.”

“My brother needed more test subjects.”

“The art store was out of those little mannequins.”

“I bought him at a convention.”

“We met at the morgue.”

“Consolation prize on The Price Is Right.”

“One of my story characters came to life.”

“An A.I. on the internet matched us up.”

“They mistyped ‘bridle’ in the classified ad.”

“I bought a mystery box on eBay.”

“My self-cloning experiment went horribly awry.”

“I won at the festival’s ring toss.”

“The roofies still haven’t worn off.”

“I’ve got custody since I posted her bail.”

“She was stuck in a tree.”

“I’m a roboticist. How’s he look?”

“I’m gonna need someone to take the rap.”

“We didn’t.”

Batzinga!

I’m not sure if I want this t-shirt or not…

Batzinga!

Available here for $12 for the rest of today – http://www.qwertee.com/

How Do It ?Search

Seems the current cool kidz meme is to list search terms that lead to one’s site.  Since following the crowd* is one of my great joys in life, here’s some of mine…

how to remove pranked watermark sound and video effects from surfaces [I constantly prank my friends’ coffee tables]

cartoon neurons that say funny stuff [I’m all about wisecracking neuron scribbles]

gym candid/candid at gym/candid women exercising [That would be here]

mellon collie funny [Not sure how anyone could find anything remotely amusing about an emo-whining imitation-grunge  album by Smashing Pumpkins, but here ya go]

song on the paint huffer youtube video [That would be here]

my spice m-6900 internet setting not install in my handset spice m 6900 internet setting skipped error please help [Apparently someone is having trouble viewing their Spice Girls pr0n on their smartphone]

face sitting fart [That would be here]

pal coimx fuck on the top [Dominatrix comics?]

latest advances in sexbots [As usual, that would be here]

gay meaning: i have a pocket full of quarters and i’m headed to the arcade [Revised lyrics here – guess someone has a “packing man fever”]

“i was born in 1972” nirvana [hi Lena :)]

batman comics high resolution [That would be here]

skyradio doesn’t really matter [Gee thanks]

alien sperm extraction [Apparently I have three posts relating to this search – take a look]

spock in 2013 [Is it a Federation election year?]

Unlike the rest of you, I have a surprising number of posts that actually relate to the search terms. What this says about me is as yet unclear, and will hopefully stay that way.

___________________________________________

*And beating them at their own game.

Right On Time

As some of you know by now, Allamagoosa and I are going to be married. We met through Sunshine Mary, got a nudge or two* from 7man and CL, and from there the dominoes just kept falling over. So much so that it seemed like someone somewhere was planning it.

The joke between us is that we’re so, uh, unique that no one else could deal with us. This is a only-slightly-exaggerated example –

If you’re coming to the wedding, bring kevlar and a dessert.

*”Nudge” meaning “go for it, dumb@$$!”