For all the married couple who are tired of answering the question “How did you two meet?”, Allamagoosa and I came up with some snappy answers. Try these on strangers or friends you want to lose.

“I found her in a box of Cracker Jacks.”

“He came included with the utilities.”

“I won a bet.”

“I lost a bet.”

“Mail order.”

“My neighbor sucks at poker.”

“I woke up one morning and he was on the couch eating Cheerios and watching TV.”

“She was selling cookies door to door.”

“Swap meet.”

“I found her in the produce section attempting to masquerade as a pineapple.”

“It’s a condition of my parole.”

“My brother needed more test subjects.”

“The art store was out of those little mannequins.”

“I bought him at a convention.”

“We met at the morgue.”

“Consolation prize on The Price Is Right.”

“One of my story characters came to life.”

“An A.I. on the internet matched us up.”

“They mistyped ‘bridle’ in the classified ad.”

“I bought a mystery box on eBay.”

“My self-cloning experiment went horribly awry.”

“I won at the festival’s ring toss.”

“The roofies still haven’t worn off.”

“I’ve got custody since I posted her bail.”

“She was stuck in a tree.”

“I’m a roboticist. How’s he look?”

“I’m gonna need someone to take the rap.”

“We didn’t.”