Trump's fulfilled the three campaign promises I care about:

1. Overfeeding fish like a FUCKIN BOSS

2. Having the second scoop of ice cream delivered automatically like he's fuckin SINATRA AT THE TROP

3. Pounding Diet Coke like a VIKING POET

— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) December 12, 2017